Hello Again

I’m back.  I’m never sure for how long, but for now I am.  It’s been a year since my last post and funny enough were back at the same spot we were then.  The Outer Banks of North Carolina has become our yearly retreat and I’m loving it even more this year than last.

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Last November I gave birth to the newest member of our family, Silas.  He’s loved on by each of his siblings and never lacks for attention.  Just as I suspected his brothers and sister are constantly holding him.

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Since our adoptions were completed we’ve been adjusting quite well as a family.  I’ve had several bad days and many horrible days, but mostly the days are good.  On the good days the kids argue like siblings and I may get a roll of the eyes from my daughter, and any issues related to our adopted children specifically don’t really stand out.

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On the bad days I have a hard time dealing with my son’s ADHD, speech delay and sensory issues and my daughter making me feel like I’m never doing my best.  She has a hard time with leaving the parenting up to me and just being a kid.  When it comes to the baby she refuses to leave him to self soothe and is always picking him up, so sleep training is a no go at the moment.  If he needs a diaper change and I’m in the middle of something, I am to drop whatever I am doing or she will hound me until he is taken care of.  She will check in with me several times an hour just to make sure she knows she’s not forgotten and she will ask a million questions that she already knows the answers to.  It’s physically and emotionally draining and on those days I have to love her really hard or else my mind starts thinking about what life would be like had we chosen not to adopt.  On the bad days I also feel like I’m depriving our other children from attention because so much of my energy is poured into our two children who have special issues.  Those days I am also angry, sad and hard on myself as I play the blame game.  I’m thankful there are fewer of those days and more of the good days.

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OBX 2014

Woah, I need to get on here more often.  Time has been flying and I’ve found myself caught up in the day to day.  This week we are relaxing in the outer banks of North Carolina.

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On Monday it will be back to the grind of homeschool, house work, yard work and my best friend/ husband returning to work.  I could get used to having him around during the day.  I’m lucky to have this guy.  We’ve finally chosen a name for our new baby boy who is coming at the end of November.  His name is Silas David and I don’t believe I’ve been this excited to have another baby.  With this one my nerves are calm and I’m all ready to experience the blessing of a new life.  It’s going to be a lot of fun.  Hopefully the other kids will allow me to hold him.  There’s already been argument over who gets tho cut his cord after he’s born.  Weird weird homeschooled children.  Everything has to be an experiment.  *smile*

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Gotcha Day

Yesterday we celebrated the adoption of our girl.  It’s the second adoption we’ve finalized.  Today we celebrate our son’s gotcha day, the one year anniversary of our first adoption.

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It’s done, this phase of life we’ve enjoyed as foster parents.  With the birth of our new baby that is due in November we will have a total of five children.  Our home is bursting at the seams with our family of six and anymore is not possible.  Even with the hopes of moving to a larger home we are feeling a certain level of completeness to our family. 

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Yesterday was also our final visit with Early Intervention for our youngest son.  He’s slowly outgrowing his developmental delays which is nice.  I’m very proud of him and I’m certainly not complaining about having one less appointment every month.

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We’ve been busy enjoying our back yard.  I’ve been moving plants around and starting our vegetable garden. Planting perennials last year was a great idea because it’s given me more time to enjoy the children as we’ve watched the gardens fill out with beautiful hostas, creeping ground cover and flowering plants.  The joys of gardens that take care of themselves!

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For now, I’m taking this extra time to sit back, knit and enjoy the loudness that is my home.

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Gotcha Day

Yesterday we celebrated the adoption of our girl.  It’s the second adoption we’ve finalized.  Today we celebrate our son’s gotcha day, the one year anniversary of our first adoption.

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It’s done, this phase of life we’ve enjoyed as foster parents.  With the birth of our new baby that is due in November we will have a total of five children.  Our home is bursting at the seams with our family of six and anymore is not possible.  Even with the hopes of moving to a larger home we are feeling a certain level of completeness to our family. 

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Yesterday was also our final visit with Early Intervention for our youngest son.  He’s slowly outgrowing his developmental delays which is nice.  I’m very proud of him and I’m certainly not complaining about having one less appointment every month.

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We’ve been busy enjoying our back yard.  I’ve been moving plants around and starting our vegetable garden. Planting perennials last year was a great idea because it’s given me more time to enjoy the children as we’ve watched the gardens fill out with beautiful hostas, creeping ground cover and flowering plants.  The joys of gardens that take care of themselves!

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For now, I’m taking this extra time to sit back, knit and enjoy the loudness that is my home.

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We are expecting a baby

Yes, we are expecting our fifth child!  This is my third pregnancy and we are very excited and happy to add another member our our family.   This new baby to be is due at the ends of November.  2014 is sure to be just like the past few years, full of children and full of exciting new experiences.
Last Monday I mailed the last of our court paperwork to our adoption attorney.  On Thursday I spoke with our adoption case worker and she said we should expect to have a court date in the next couple of weeks. 
As for our girl, she couldn’t be more ready.  Last week she asked her case worker if she could start writing her new last name on her school work and every since then she has been. 
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As usual I’ve been knitting up a storm.  I’m currently finishing a hanging star mobile for a friend of mine who is expecting a baby in September.  Soon I’ll be able to knit for our newest baby.

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Nearing adoption numero dos

Yesterday we signed the rest of our papers to start our adoption.  It’s sneaking up on us, this adoption and will be here and finished before we know it.  We’re ready and she’s more than ready.  This week she was adamant that she did not want to sign her last name to her school papers.  She wants to write her new name so bad and I think I just might allow her to.  I’m sure her teacher won’t mind.  😉

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When a birth parent relapses

From the start of our placements I have always played detective when it comes to my children’s birth parents.  There are several websites that allow you to sign up for alerts if a person is arrested.  It also allows me to see their mug shot as well as their charges.  Unfortunately I get alerted way too frequently.  It’s sad.  I guess I was too optimistic when our daughter had her good bye visit and birth parent looked so good.  Weight had been put on, this person was clean in appearance and not a hint of drug use.  I was hopeful that the counseling and jail time would have made an impact.  I knew it was going to be a daily struggle, but I assumed they could do it with the supports that were in place.

I don’t tell our children details regarding what I know abut their birth parents.  It’s just not a healthy thing to do right now since they are only 6 and 2.  So why is it important to keep tabs on these people?  Why is it important to care?  Because your children care, or at least they will when they become adults and want to look into their birth history.  Don’t think they won’t.  They always do.

Our daughter has decided that making up stories about her birth parents is what she is going to do lately.  She glorifies them and makes them out to be the best people her mind can make them to be.  In the beginning it was hard not to take offense to this because it was hurtful and no matter what I did I was always less than.

What do I do now?

I let her.  I just allow it.  I correct it sometimes, but I do so with patience.  It’s still not easy, but she knows who is here for her and who provides for her.  She doesn’t need me reinforcing that her birth family did horrible things.  What she does need is the truth and factual evidence so that when she is old enough she can build a more accurate image of what was and what is.

Last week I came across a forum for adoptive parents.  One woman posted about her daughter making up lies about her birth family.  Another woman who was a foster child at one time said this…

“It is not an attempt to make you feel less than, but an attempt for her to make sense of why her parents weren’t the parents she needed them to be.”

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